I have been pretty overwhelmed with life lately. So many things happen all at once, or at least it can feel that way sometimes. One of the things that is supposed to help me deal with that feeling is writing, but instead it has been the thing that I have neglected. Luckily, I have some really good friends. Sarah gave me a “gentle” reminder today that I need to get some thoughts out. I am very thankful for that, but I’m not sure what to say.

Maybe I can write a little about my experience with Bitmoji yesterday. I finally download the bitmoji app yesterday and thought I would try to create my very life-like avatar. I very quickly learned that I have a very limited understanding of what I actually look like to the world. For example, I know I have short grey hair, but when I picture myself in my head, I don’t see it. Bitmoji walks you through the basics, hair color and style, eye color, but then it gets more complicated. I know that I’ve always had small eyes, but I’ve never really considered the shapes of my eyes or how far apart they are. I know that my sister, Erika, has a big round head, but never really considered the degree of “oval-ness” of my head. I’ve always really just thought that I’m pretty regular in most of my features, but I don’t really have an understanding of what “regular” means.

I started to think I should be construing my avatar in front of a mirror or with a picture or two next to me. Why was it so hard? (Mostly because I was trying to sort through the ideas of what I thought I looked like vs. what I would like to look like vs. what I used to look like vs. what I know I never looked like). I decided that I would approach it like an experiment and try to go off the facts that I know about my appearance and them fill in the black with what felt right and I would let the people I know decide if I was close or not. I went through most of the options and chose the one that felt the most right. I felt really strange during the process, and even stranger with the result. 


Weird, but apparently close enough. 

Then, today I listened to Paula Poundstone’s new podcast: Live From The Poundstone Institute. The episode is called “Does Science Think You’re Pretty?” Apparently, it is very common for people to not fully understand what they look like. However, I think that with me, I don’t imagine that I’m prettier then I am, but just a younger version on myself. More like:

 Or  Or  Or 
Now, that’s a lot of Jessica and even as I sit here, I wonder just how connected I am to these pictures. I know that its all me, it just feels very strange when you think about it. 

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